Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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