She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Terrible idea I love it
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
