Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Small penises have feelings too.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
