apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
