I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just forgot I was standing up.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
