just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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