My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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