It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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