You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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