i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
