worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Randomize
