he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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