i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize