my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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