Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize