i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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