apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize