cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
