I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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