i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
