And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
