I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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