Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
