i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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