ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
