That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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