I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
