i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
