My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
