capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
