my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
pray to the hookup gods
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
