go do what you do best...puke behind churches
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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