My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
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Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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