You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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