Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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