Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize