Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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