Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize