how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
