Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
