im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize