i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
