I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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