Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
