meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
