you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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