How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
