my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
