Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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