he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
