Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
