dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
