I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
