There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
