i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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