I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
