oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
