i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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