Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
