Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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