Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
