Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
