whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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