yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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