I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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