I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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