oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
